Brandon and Daneel were interrupted as several officious looking men strode down to where they were standing and handed Brandon a thick brown envelope. He hesitated before taking it as though it might contain a bomb, he kept one eye on the men as he took out the papers.
"Ah yes, Mr Arcane, righty oh."
Brandon decided that going to his mansion might be a better bet than finding himself somewhere to live, he looked at Daneel.
"Are you coming too? It might be a bit of a laugh you know, you can learn how to fight and whatnot."
Daneel noticed that he hadn't actually been handed an envelope as of yet and he shrugged.
"Well, I'm off my funny little friend, to be trained by the, self proclaimed, best wrestlers in the world!"
Brandon bounded out of the ring and only one of the men followed him apparently trying his hardest to keep up with the mad lunatic.
There was a huge limo parked that took up the whole parking lot and the man gestured for Brandon to get in. Brandon was by now totally overexcited and nearly dived headfirst into the car. Once he was in it he fidgeted, constantly, much to the annoyance of the man in the black suit. He pushed every button, wound down the windows, opened up the sun roof, made crank calls on the phone and generally made a nuisance of himself but the man never said a word to him. Brandon bounced up and down on the seat as he saw the limo approaching the mansion driveway.
"So anyway, this is kind of cool but you know white, white is very well white and I don't as a general rule do white so I might discuss with Arcane that he might change the colour to purple, purple is good, I like purple but then again black is better, why don't you shut up, I'm not hyperactive and we aren't going to get in trouble. You are so boring, you always think we're going to get in trouble! No, we're not going to pin pin Arcane, we most definitely will get in trouble for that, I mean look at this place, do you want to live in a box under a bridge? I don't. It would ruin my manicure for a start."
The man in the suit stared at Brandon for awhile, it had taken him a second or two to realise that Brandon wasn't talking to him and that he was in fact arguing with himself. He shook his head in disbelief, where did Arcane find these fruitloops? The limo drew to a stop and Brandon leapt out almost before it had come to a complete stop. He twirled round a couple of times before bounding to a stop in front of Arcane himself. The voice in his head told him to pin pin him, but the other one told him no. Brandon held out a hand, with a huge grin on his face and bowed deeply. Arcane was hypnotised slightly by his impossibly high hair, which gently swayed in the breeze. Brandon straightened up again.
"Mr bloody Arcane, a very special nice to see you and all of that kind of stuff. You are quite a nice looking geezer in the flesh, can I have a cuddle?"
Arcane backed away.
Damn right Alex backed away. Verne Troyer looked high up at Mr. Arcane with a :? The hyperactive Brandon was swaying back and forth... like he was listening to some music in his head. Brandon was even whistling to some obscure european pop band- however to Alex he was mumbling something about women underwear and gelato.
Alexander Arcane: Well um. Hi and welcome to the CWB4Pro Xeality Show. EXCITED?
"Woah like this is kinda mild. You even got satelight. Were are the others. Do I get a room all for myself. And oh, Mr. Arcane, you GOT to do something about the color of your limbo mate. BLACK is definately not your color... well maybe tangerine... hows meh hair look'n?"
Alexander and Verne's mouths drop.... hoping REALLY SOON the next wrestler hopeful will arrive!
Daneel stood in the ring, mouth open, as if he were impersonating a fish. Half an hour ago he had been standing in his laboratory with Calvin. Even though Daneel was the brains behind the Vesalius project, Calvin was his right hand man. Calvin was the eyes and ears of the project and when Daneel downloaded himself to remote locations across the Internet Calvin was the only person who could get him back to base. However, 20 minutes ago Calvin logged off and had not been heard of since. Daneel was completely on his own now, he only had his wits, oh, and the entire repository of human knowledge called the internet at his disposal thanks to the fact that he was permanently connected 24/7 to the ‘net.
It was from the Internet that Daneel now discovered that he was in the midst of a recruitment campaign for the “Creature Wrestling federation” Xeality show. He also knew that the only way out of this hellhole would be to enter the competition and not only wrestle well but become crowned champion of this competition. Perhaps then he could use his power to get himself home. Or that’s what he thought.
So far he had managed to download everything he needed to know about wrestling. All he needed to do now was actually practice these moves until he could do them at a level where he could win matches against the creatures he had seen on the wall in the locker room earlier. Daneel shuddered at this thought.
He moved over to the feeding creature at the other end of the ring, put his mechanical arm around the creature’s neck and pulled it tight. The creature let out an ear piercing scream as the strangle hold tightened around it’s neck. Suddenly the screaming stopped. Daneel opened his eyes to see why and realised that he was now holding a severed head. The rest of the creature, blood spraying from the severed neck, ran blindly towards the ropes, arms waving as it careered out of control until it hit the ropes, bounced back into the ring and lay on it’s back, arms and legs twitching uncontrollably as the last remnants of blood oozed from the severed arteries on to the ring mat.
Daneel look down at the severed head he was still holding and was sure it winked at him. He had forgotten just how strong he was with the cyborg implants in his body and, to be honest, he was both shocked, and, to his alarm, mildly turned on by the violence he had just inflicted on this creature.
“what now?” he thought to himself and simultaneously that thought appeared in his internet chatroom.
He look up just in time to see a rather alarmed looking man striding purposely towards him with a large brown envelope.
“Daneel Olivaw, if you would car to follow me, your limo awaits”
Puzzled, Daneel followed the man out of the arena and into the waiting limo.
Inside the limo, Daneel looked out at the passing scenery. Simultaneously, the live feed on http://www.vesaliusproject.com was being viewed by close on 1000 users.
Over the last half an hour or so news had spread like wildfire through the blogosphere and the usenet chatrooms were abuzz with the news that the human cyborg project, Daneel Olivaw was stranded in an unknown location in mortal danger while his assistant Dr Calvin had mysteriously vanished off the face of the earth.
Even with 1000 users spread across the length and breadth of the United States, Canada and Mexico, no-one could identify where Daneel was. He was in the U.S.A, that much was clear. But where? Well that was the mystery! Even the other month, when Daneel input the wrong I.P address into his uploader and ended up in Hazzard County facing sheriff R.P.Coltraine, the chat room users managed to get a fix on him and download him successfully back to base.
But now he was stranded. He believed the only way out of this place was to fight or to die.
The limo pulled into the driveway of a smart looking mansion. Daneel waited for the door to be opened for him and then stepped out into the blinding glare of several tv spotlights. A microphone was harshly shoved into his face.
“Welcome to the CWB4Pro Xeality Show. I’m your host, Alexander Arcane…. EXCITED?”
“Well, er……..” Daneel spluttered.
“Good, good. Please stand over there with the other contestant, BRAND X”
“Hmmm, so that’s the lunatic’s name is it?” Daneel thought and instantly that thought appeared in his chatroom: #Olivaw on the DALnet irc server.
He moved over to stand next to Brand X who seemed to be extremely excited to see his “old” friend.
“What now?” Daneel both spoke and thought. 1000 users watched the live video stream on his website and collectively held their breath….
By now Brandon was fidgeting and trying hard not to stare at The Eagle who had just arrived, instead he decided to answer Daneel's question even though it hadn't actually been to him.
"Well me old matey, lets get inside and see if they have any nice food and goodies, even tin men have to eat right? Besides, I need a pee pee now and me hair needs a bit of a brush to keep it in its pristine condition."
Daneel rolled his eyes but decided that he might be best sticking with the odd Brandon rather than the weird looking Eagle who seemed to think he was some sort of superhero. Brandon strolled majestically towards the front door, he was almost there when the voice in his head began piping up again.
"Do it. Go on you know you want to. That one's even weirder than metal knickers over there, I mean, come on, who wears white trainers as part of a costume?"
Brandon fidgeted some more.
"Shut up! I need a pee pee!"
He now appeared to be having a very animated argument with invisible people and Eagle simply couldn't fathom it at all but Daneel had already worked out that Brandon was struggling with multiple personality disorder. Daneel noted that he seemed to keep it under control the majority of the time but there were times when it seemed to be worse, like when under stress or when over-excited, now he was over-excited. Brandon swiped at thin air with his cane and knocked the head off of one of the expensive garden ornaments, then proceeded to tell it off for getting in his way. Now completely over-excited, Brandon ran round the side of the house, out of sight of the camera's and pee'd all over the prize-winning roses growing there before sauntering back. The voice started up again.
"Go on. Do it, DO it, DO IT!!"
Brandon gave in, he ran pell mell at Eagle, stuck a large pin in the back of Eagles arm before running off screaming at the top of his voice.
"PIN PIN!!"
His insane giggle could be heard from the far side of the house where he was now extracting the contents of the fridge. Daneel shook his head and followed him, for some reason he felt responsible for Brandon, the same way a parents feels towards a slightly backward child. He shrugged at Eagle who was rolling dramatically on the ground.
"It was just a pin, honest, you won't catch anything, he's just a bit....you know....mad."
Daneel wandered in the direction of Brandon's insane singing....
The Eagle continued rolling along the ground, yelling agony, as Alexander shook his head in frustration and disgust already. Daneel had already moved on to find Brandon who was tearing about the place, laughing quite manically. It seemed he'd lost his head in the few minutes of being here. Meanwhile, the Eagle looked up at Alexander!
LAWSUIT! I shall sue the villain who has struck me with that metal rod of injustice! He shall pay!
He leapt to his feet.
VILLAIN! GET BACK HERE!!!! I DEMAND COMPENSATION FOR MY PAIN!
He rushed in after them...
Eagle rushed dramatically into the kitchen and stood framed in the doorway with his hands on his hips in a thoroughly unheroic way in Brandon's eyes. Daneel glanced up and stifled a giggle by disguising it as a cough. Brandon simply stopped what he was doing and stared at Eagle as though he was some sort of alien being and then gestured at him with the knife he had in his hand. Eagle immediately went into a defensive roll across the floor and smacked his head on the counter opposite Brandon and Daneel.
Brandon knelt down and looked round the corner where Eagle was rubbing his head.
"You know most household accidents happen in the kitchen. Do you want a sarnie?"
Daneel watched the whole thing, trying hard not to burst out laughing, he cleared his throat.
"Brandon, do you really think marmite and peanut butter is a good combination for a sandwich?"
Brandon looked down at the sandwich like it was the first time he'd ever seen it and then looked at Daneel as though he was some sort of genius.
"You know me old tin man, I reckon's you might be right there!"
Brandon wandered back to the fridge and rooted round some more, ignoring Eagle ranting on about lawsuits and metal rods of injustice.
"AH HA! Just whats needed....BEETROOT! YUM!"
Daneel screwed up his face and looked on as Brandon threw a couple of beetroots into the mix.
"Brandon, I think I might just make my own sandwiches. I'm not too keen on marmite."
He wasn't feeling overly hungry, as Brandon then added a couple of jaffa cakes to the sandwich that he was building, even Eagle had stopped ranting long enough to look at the sandwich as though he would dearly love to feed it to his worst enemy, unfortunately his worst enemy was about to eat it. Brandon stuffed the sandwich in his mouth and chewed heartily as though he'd not eaten in a week, marmite dripping down the corner of his mouth. Daneel gestured to Brandon that he had marmite on his chin, he wiped it off with the back of his hand then licked his hand clean and grinned.
"I was saving that bit for later tinny. Wos with old baggy pants there anyways?"
He waved his hand in Eagles general direction as though he wasn't really there but just a projection of their imagination. Daneel looked over at Eagle apologetically.
"Um...he's one of the contestants, he's going to be living here as well."
Brandon snorted, then coughed sending a piece of partly masticated sandwich flying in Eagles direction where it landed on his top lip. Brandon stared at it.
"Pin, pin old chap, you really ought to eat that up, its very tasty you know."
Daneel rolled his eyes and Eagle was in deep shock and disgusted at the very thought.
It had been a long, tiring day. Daneel knew that if he didn't find his room his power cells would run down and his implants would lose the power they need to remain connected to the Internet. On top of that, his organic body was ready for sleep.
"Well chaps, I need to get some sleep. God only knows what they have in store for us tomorrow and I need to be fully charged and ready for whatever they are going to throw at us" He walked towards the door, "I'm going to find that little dwarf and see if he knows where we are sleeping tonight"
with that Daneel left the room.
The very next day.........
Suddenly a LOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDD blowhorn sounds off in the large bedroom with Brandon, Daneel and Eagle!
Brand-X: OH BUGGER WHAT THE HELL... ::with his hair already up into the air::
Eagle flopped off the bed-- he was in his captain America underwear!!!
Daneel standing up right with what looked to be an electrical wire coming out from his stomach region connected to a wall outlet... Daneel's eyes slowly open wide and he wasn't alarmed....
Brand-X Oi... who sounded off that HORN! Was it one of you two?
Then Verne hopping up and down playing with that blowhorn!!!! he keeps blowing on his tooter!!!
AWHHBRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBBLLOOOWWWEEEERR!!!
AWHHBRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBBLLOOOWWWEEEERR!!!
AWHHBRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBBLLOOOWWWEEEERR!!!
AWHHBRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBBLLOOOWWWEEEERR!!!
AWHHBRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBBLLOOOWWWEEEERR!!!
Verne: WAKE UP WAKE UP!!! GET TO THE LIVING ROOM ALEX IS HERE!!! COME... HURRY!!!!
Verne kept blowing on his horn!!!!
Brandon rolled blearily out of bed, grabbed his cane and clonked the annoying little dwarf over the head. Brandon decided that he wasn't going to bother getting dressed and tottered out of the bedroom in his pristine, white undercrackers, carrying his trusty cane. He glanced at Eagle who was doing some sort of pseudo super hero rolling about in his dodgy looking underwear and then pretended not to notice that Daneel appeared to be plugged into the mains electricity. He felt it might be rude to mention it this early in the morning.
He swaggered nonchalantly into the living area and bowed dramatically to Arcane.
"'Urry yup me old mucker, I need to get to the bathroom to do me barnet!"
Arcane merely raised an eyebrow and backed off a little and awaited the arrival of the other two.
On this Episode of CWB4Pro, Mrs. Amile Bubilefark comes to the ranch house and trust me she has a lot on her agenda than preparing meals and making puffy baskets ~.^;
We will see the CWB4Pro Champion in action..... and will Brand-X ever get his hair under control? Zlad is also expected to be 'performing.' In addition, do the newest CWB4Pro wrestlers signed have what it takes to survive?
5:00am Saturday Morning
A loud buzzing sound is heard from the door bell at the CWB4Pro Ranch house! The buzzing must have been non-stop for several hours because you can see Brand-X, Daneel Olivaw, Zlad and even Verne Troyer burried deep underneath a mountain of pillows.
FINALLY, Verne hops up and runs out of the bedroom with nothing but his underwear on... and slides on the marble floor to the frontdoor.... Verne Troyer takes a small box and hugs it against the door... then looks through his custom made peekhole to see who it is... he backs off in fear but relucnatly had to open the door.....
What stepped in made Verne shake and endeup peeing his underwear... it was none other than the new CWB4Pro Director.... Mrs. Amile Bubilefark!
Mrs. Amile Bubilefark: And um... who are you suppose to be? One of the seven dwarfs, you lilstupid aren't you. EXACTLY AS I THOUGHT. ACK! This place is a fucking mess.... where the hell are "they." You... know those.... things....
Verne: Mrs. Bubblefart, what are you talking ab...
Mrs. Amile Bubilefark: DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING!!!! YOU INCOMPETENT DWITS HAVE A LOT OF SHAPPING UP TO DO TO LIVE UP THE STANDARDS OF THE CREATURE WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT!
The CWB4Pro superstars are soundly asleep u nderneath their pillows in their bedrooms.... it was sooooo peaceful eversince the door bell stopped sounding off then.... suddenly... without any notice... any warning.... any remorse....
MRS. BUIBLEFARK SWINGS THE DAMN DOOR IN AND SHE HAS A BLOWHORN!!! SHE MADE DOUBLY SURE IT WAS AT THE HIGHEST SETTING AND SHE JUST BLASTS THAT BLOWHORN SO DAMN LOUD THAT THE PICTURES ON THE WALLS BREAK!!!!
Mrs. Amile Bubilefark: WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU MISERABLE SLOBS!!!! IT'S TIME FOR AN ELIMINATION ROUND ALREADY SO I EXPECT THAT YOU ARE TIP TOP SHAPE IN 3 MINUTES AND COME DOWN TO THE FOYER FOR AN "INSPECTION" YOU GOT ALL OF THAT!!!!! GOOD NOW GET YOUR ASSES IN LINE.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
