Harvey grabs the mic. He's sweating, as he just wrestled a Tag Team Match. He has a bowl and cooking ingredients in front of him. He is standing in front of an oven. He has a counter in front of him. He is wearing a chef's hat.

Harvey: You know, a lot goes in to making a world-class wrestler. Much like a lot goes in to making a world-class meal. And to be a champion, you have to eat like a champion. So today, I'm going to show all my fans how to cook up a storm. A simple dessert cake that is fit for anyone: from the lowliest of jobbers to the world champion. So to start with, we're going to mix together all the ingredients to get ready to bake. I like to call this the Lord Mortismere. Now, I'll run through the ingredients as we go along, so try and keep up. First, we need to get some flour. I'd use two cups, and that will be enough to serve a cake that could feed, say, ten adults or Mortismere's ego. So adjust accordingly. Next, we need to add some eggs. Now, I like to use sour eggs, because it adds that extra taste to the cake that you only get from my personal recipe. And it's the same taste you can look forward to whenever you think of the Lord Mortismere.

Branden cracks a pair of eggs into the bowl with the flour with a smile across his face.

Harvey: Next, we add the butter and sugar. Now we need the butter to give it the texture that we want, but we're going to add a lot. Same with sugar.

Branden lumps in a lot of butter, spooning it all in from the container he holds.

Harvey: Now we all know that butter and sugar is bad for us. So eating this cake, having some of the Lord Mortismere, means that it's not going to be good for us. Never mind though, I don't think you're going to actually want too much of it anyway. So get it all in there and then we're done. After that, we need to add a cup of water. To make it an authentic Lord Mortismere, I would add a pinch of salt to the water to make it taste like tears. Those really salty tears, like you get when someone is crying over having such a hard time of things. Because that's another thing you'll be thinking of when you think of the Lord Mortismere. So pour that in and you're almost ready to start stirring it all up.

Branden tips in the water, then reaches over for the salt and throws in a dash.

Harvey: Ok, so grab a wooden spoon that you have handy, get in and start stirring. Now, be careful not to stir too hard, because the Lord Mortismere is very delicate. You don't want to upset the ingredients or, you know, injure the flavours. If you do, then the cake won't be any good. I mean, if the cake could talk, it would complain all day if you hurt it. Non-stop, it would go on and on about you stirring too hard or being too rough. And then, it won't rise, it won't bake through, and you'll be left with a useless mixture. Of course, there's a chance that will happen even if you're gentle with it. So I don't know, just do your best.

Branden stirs the mixture up, mixing together all those ingredients.

Harvey: Ok, once you've done that, pour it into a cake tin.

Branden does so.

Harvey: And then throw it into the oven. Now, you want to pre-heat that over to about 280 to make sure things are nice and warm. The Lord Mortismere has to cook at a high temperature. You want to really light a fire underneath it because if you don't, you just get a mediocre, half-assed cake. And no one wants to see that. You you really have to get the oven warm. So slide it on in.

Branden opens up the oven door and pushes the cake tin in.

Harvey: And shut it up and wait. Of course, you will have to wait a while. And when I say a while, I mean about a month. It won't be ready to be eaten for about three to four weeks. That's because it takes a long time to rise to the occasion, this cake. Don't worry if it takes longer, it just means the cake is delaying the inevitable. You might as well turn the heat up if that happens. Eventually it will start to bake. But here's one I prepared earlier ...

Branden reaches underneath the counter and pulls out an already cooked cake!

Harvey: And as you can see, it's looking quite sorry.

Branden puts down his cake which, in all honesty, looks pretty bad.

Harvey: But don't you worry. If we put on a nice layer of icing, and tell everyone that it's a good cake, people will really think it's good. That is, until they eat it. But if you just hold off to the very last minute to serve them, I'm sure not too many people will be disappointed with it. Ok, so the icing. You can go out and buy the Branden Harvey pack of icing mix to do this. All you need to do is add water and presto! You have the Branden Icing that you can just throw all over the outside to save this cake. Remember, anything with the Branden name can save a sorry situation. And I promise you that Branden is going to save this Lord Mortismere. It doesn't matter how sad and pathetic this cake might be, the icing is the key. People will say "Wow, this icing is amazing! but the cake just sucks. Where can I get more of this icing?" You tell them that it's a secret recipe.

Branden winks at the camera, then reaches down and pulls out a sachet and tips it into a bowl. A cup of water follows it in, and Branden is back to stirring.

Harvey: Now unlike the cake, you don't have to be gentle with the icing at all. In fact, the harder and rougher you are with it, the better it gets. It gets tastier, sweeter, and just better the more you put it through. So really put your shoulder into it.

Branden stirs vigorously, then comes to a stop.

Harvey: And the amazing thing about this is that you can just pour it on, let it set and you're done. So pour it on.

Branden pours the icing over the sorry looking cake.

Harvey: And then throw it in the refrigerator.

Branden picks up the plate, turns to the fridge, opens the door, and throws the cake in.

Harvey: And then you're set. You have to wait, oh, half an hour maybe for the icing to save that cake. But that half an hour will be so worth it. So kick back, relax, make take a load off your feet and rest a while.