Posted at 8:49 am on Jan 27, 2017 by:
Red Spyder (Guardian of Wickedness)
CW might have to switch to a G rating after this saga.
"TEE HEE!" the giant Goldy roared as she rolled closer to the van, letting out another thunderous fart when she began losing speed.
Botch and Gunther still weren't budging from their distractions, Gunther even producing a microphone to perform another concert for the crabs.
Panicking, Alex blurted out, "There's naked women in the back of the van!"
"HUH? ERRORBODY KNOWS, WANTS TO GNOME, WHERE THE PUSSY GRABBING IS?" Botch said at the announcement, pulling up his tights and climbing into the van.
There were no naked women of course, not that Botch cared. He ended up removing a bride topper from a wedding cake and rubbing his micropenis against the plastic figure's crotch.
Gunther climbed in behind Botch, his blistered ding dong out for a special concert for the naked women. Mistaking Botch for a woman due to his steroid-induced manboobs, Gunther rubbed his penis against Botch's chest.
Slamming shut the van's rear doors, Alex hopped up front with Buff.
"Drive, Fagwell!" Alex shouted, looking in his mirror to see that Goldy was steadily rolling closer, blowing a plane out of the sky with another fart. "We have to get out of here! Now!"
"NO CAN DO, BOSS!" Buff nodded at the road in front of them. "THEY WANT A TASTE OF MY BIG PUFFY DADDIES!"
Alex looked out of the windshield to see Diper and her entourage blocking the road. Well, she was fat enough to block the road all on her own. Gidboots, Cunner, and The Dark Rectum were partaking in a fresh batch of Diper's KoolAIDs, letting what didn't land in their mouths run down their bodies and licking it off of each other.
Red, Spade, and Brandon were too disgusted by Charon #2's number two to realize she'd run out of diarrhea.
"I've hid from cops in sewers that didn't smell as bad as that!" Red pinched his nose shut as he gagged.
"That's just wrong mate! Why would you do that?" Brandon pulled out a can of hairspray and emptied it into the shitty air.
"You should see a doctor! That can't be healthy!" Spade's voice was muffled behind the sleeve of his shirt.
"Quit whining, guys," present Charon finally said. "It's just shit. And it's helped us along so far, so don't knock it."
"That totally makes it okay then that the other you has no problem taking horrific dumps in front of everyone!" Red briefly released his nose, pinching it again when he realized the smell wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. "Oh, and by the way, why the fuck are there two of you running around? Am I the only one who thinks that's weird?"
"There's no time to explain right now," future Charon answered as she got dressed again. "Help us poop, Red!"
"What the fuck? No!" Red stepped away from the gaping mouth of Mr. McMahon. "I'm into some kinky things, but I'm not having a scat party with you."
Both Charons along with Spade and Brandon were looking at Red now, motioning him back to Vinnie's mouth.
"Come on, mate," Brandon said, putting a hand on Red's shoulder. "Do this and we can save your family!"
"... Dammit. Fine. I'll poop. But this exempts from having to participate in any further puzzles here! Got it?" Dropping his trousers, everyone jumped back as the Monster Beef swung up into the air, looking for the nearest wet hole. Upon smelling the feces however, it retreated between its master's legs for safety. "Good thing I ate a Mexican for lunch."
