Posted at 4:43 am on Jun 6, 2016 by:
Red Spyder (Guardian of Wickedness)
If it's a caper, eat it.
"Deadblood!" Sheri said, wondering how hard it'd be to shove a can of beer down Red's throat.
"What?!" Deadblood said, doing his best to ignore them and focus on driving. Though if they kept it up, swerving the car into a tree would be no accident.
"I think my all-time favorite porn flick is Bubble Butt Midgets Abducted by Double-Dicked Aliens 25!" Red said, followed by the crack of another beer being pried open.
"Wait, is that an actual movie?" DB asked, unable to help himself with a title like that. He hoped he wouldn't regret it.
"Of course!" Red said, belching. "You think I'd lie about porn? The aliens have dicks on both their crotches and noses!"
After that, Red seemed to talk less. He mainly tried to sing along with parts of some songs on the radio. Both DB and Sheri cringed whenever he started up. Then he pointed out a flattened fox on the road.
"Mmm, bet you can find some hidden treasures in that!" he said, pointing as they drove past the roadkill. DB and Sheri had no comment.
Eventually, Deadblood pulled the car off of the main highway. It wasn't to let Red out and drive off, despite Sheri's urging for him to do just that. They needed to eat, their appetites not completely ruined yet by Red.
"It'd be so easy," Sheri said as they made their way back to the car after eating. Red was still inside the restaurant. "We'll just get in real quick and drive. We might not lose him for good, but we'd get a little peace and quiet at least."
Before she could further try to persuade DB or he could consider it, Red emerged from the restaurant, two bags of food in his hands.
"Meatball subs!" Red said, grinning. "Perfect car snack!"
"Oh great, I guess the beer isn't enough," DB said quietly to Sheri.
