Posted at 10:18 pm on Sep 23, 2016 by:
Staphanie McMahon (CWE Brand Director) (Womens Champion)
Come between my globdrillionaire puppies. It's safe there.
"Well, you see, sir," Staphanie began when one of her implants tore right out of her deformed breasts. The crabs, young and old, immediately scurried across the floor to retrieve it and reinserted it into her wrinkled flesh. "When everyone thought you were dead, control of CW ended up in Chane and I's hands. And always wanting to do what's best for business, we made Chane the Absolute Undisputed Champion! He's been champion for 14 years now, making him the longest reigning champion! We're not sure why CW's losing money, but we believe it has to do with the fans of these times simply being out of touch!"
"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" Alex asked, feeling like he was trapped in a nightmare. "That's a TERRIBLE IDEA! And how has he not lost the title in 14 years???"
"Oh that's simple: he's never actually had to defend the belt!" Staph said with what might have been a smile, her sagging lips making it difficult to tell. "What can I say? No one's been willing to face my sexy brother! I guess not everyone can handle a crabs on a pole match!"
"I WONDER WHY!" Alex yelled before putting his face in both of his hands, wondering how he could possibly save CW.
"Sir... ?" Staph said after a moment of silence. "It also probably doesn't help that we fired Deadblood, Sheri... Darkspade..."
Back in 2016, where Darkspade was still employed by CW as far as he knew, he watched as Red pulled out a large hunting knife before lunging at the two red eyes in the darkness.
After something glass and probably expensive shattered, Red said, "Shit, where did he go?!"
Spade tried to move a candle to see more of the room, but almost immediately, the flames on all candles were blown out and deep laughter followed. He tried to find the matches to relight them when he heard the creaking of the floorboards behind him. Remaining calm, he grabbed the ouija board's dial before stabbing it over his shoulder at the unpleasant figure behind him.
"HEY, OW, WHAT THE FUCK?" Red screamed, stumbling back to his seat across from Spade. Managing to get a couple of the candles lit again, Spade saw where the dial ended up. "You invite me over only to bring out this poltergeist from your board game and then stab me in the eye! Thanks for nothing!"
"Well why were you behind me, dumbass?" Spade asked as Red plucked the point of the dial from his eye, throwing it back onto the board.
"I didn't know it was you!" Red protested, wiping away the blood that dripped down his cheek, his eye beginning to heal. "I couldn't see after you blew the candles out!"
"I didn't blow them out, numbnuts!" Spade replied, their arguing ceasing as the dial moved rapidly across the board again.
YOU CAN DO NOTHING TO SAVE YOURSELVES
"Is that so?" Red asked, looking for his knife, forgetting he dropped it on the floor after Spade stabbed him. "Quit being a pussy and come out from hiding! Then we'll see just how tough you are!"
